The Beauty Survey

They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so with this thought in mind I interviewed a few people—male and female, younger and older, and from different backgrounds—to find out what they felt made a person attractive.
Here are some of their answers:

What I find most attractive in a woman is when she isn’t overly concerned about what others think of her, when she just acts naturally.—Raymund (29)

One way that I judge whether or not a woman is beautiful is if she’s smiling and her eyes are happy. If so, then she’s beautiful to me, even if she isn’t what most people would call glamorous or especially good looking.—Tim (20)

If somebody has a kind and concerned spirit, they’re beautiful no matter what their physical features may be.—Melody (21)

My personal definition of a beautiful woman has changed over the years. It has gone from a ravishing young blonde, to a mature, personable woman who is a good conversationalist and has a good sense of humor, to one who is happy to sit with me and watch TV.—Steve (70)

Good looks are part of it, but if a girl is charming, funny, and easy to relate to, then she’s beautiful. Or if she’s humorous, ready to do things unexpectedly, adventurous, passionate, and caring, then she’s attractive to me.—James (17)

They say that the eyes are the window to the soul, and that’s true. The first time I met my husband, it was his eyes that attracted me. He had beautiful eyes that reached deep into my soul.—Joyce (46)

A woman’s voice is often the first indication of whether or not I will find her attractive.—Jimmy (38)

Kindness, gentleness, positiveness, conviction, and a sense of humor are some of the qualities that make a person beautiful.—Armina (27)

What makes a woman beautiful to me is her spirit—the way she reacts to people and situations around her.—Nathan (24)

My survey was simple as surveys go, but the consensus was clear: Those polled said that real beauty runs deeper than physical attributes, clothing, or cosmetics; it comes from the inside out. I agree, and it seems that’s how God looks at it too. “Man looks at the outward appearance,” the Bible tells us, “but the Lord looks at the heart.”

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1 Samuel 16:7 ESV / But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

Proverbs 31:10 ESV / An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.

Isaiah 52:7 ESV / How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news, who publishes peace, who brings good news of happiness, who publishes salvation, who says to Zion, “Your God reigns.”

Stunted Growth

Then one day, when I was about ten years old, I went on a school field trip to a botanical garden that had a pond stocked with fish. One especially large, brilliantly colored fish stood out to me.

“What kind of fish is that one?” I asked our guide.

“That’s a goldfish,” she replied.

I was confused. “Aren’t goldfish supposed to be small?” I asked with a note of 9-year-old sarcasm.

“Not at all,” she replied. “Goldfish will grow even larger than these. It really just depends on the size of their environment.”

I took in the information and determined to never again show myself so ignorant about goldfish, but it was years before I understood the broader lesson.

How often have I been like a goldfish in a fishbowl? How often have I limited myself by my perception of my world? Worse still, how many times have I put others in a small bowl in my mind? How many times have I written off someone as insignificant or unexciting? How many times have I failed to see others’ potential to grow?
How much more could I achieve if I forgot my perceived limitations and dared to swim beyond the boundaries I’ve set for myself? And what would happen if I moved others from their small bowls into the ocean of limitless possibilities that Jesus offers?

Just imagine a world full of people with that perspective, who truly believe that anything is possible and reach out to claim it. Together we could do astounding things. Together we could work miracles.

Isaiah 9:6 ESV / For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Psalm 119:105 ESV / Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

Genesis 1:27 ESV / So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

A New Lease on Life

“That’s not fair” must have been my three most-used words when growing up. It seemed that someone—or everyone—always had it better than me. By my early teens I had a well-developed measure-and-analyze mindset, and I was particularly obsessed with comparing my looks, personality, and abilities with those of other girls my age.
When I came into young adulthood and joined an office team, it was all about measuring up at work. I was convinced that the only way I would ever be accepted or appreciated was if I made up for my relative lack of skill and experience by working harder than everyone else. I was always trying to gain points (whatever those were and whoever was giving them out), and I was always frustrated with my self-assessed score.

I didn’t like myself in general, and even the things that I liked somewhat I wouldn’t give myself a passing grade for until I improved them a bit. I could always find something wrong.

Then another big source of discontentment kicked in—feeling cheated and like a loser because nearly all of my friends, who were also in their early and mid-twenties, were married and had children, while I still didn’t have so much as a serious boyfriend. I wasn’t sure whether that was God’s fault or my own, so I was upset at both of us.

I could hardly stand to be around other people, because almost everyone made me feel inadequate in some way, but paradoxically I also found a lot to disapprove of in everybody else. You would think that I would have focused on their strong points, since I was always wishing I were more like them, but that wasn’t the case. Not surprisingly, my negative attitude toward others caused them to keep their distance, which made me feel more unlikable and hopeless. It was a vicious cycle.
At a particularly low point, I read some articles by Maria Fontaine about recognizing and overcoming negative thought patterns. These made a definite impression on me, as I started to realize why I was so discontent and began to want to do something about it. Understanding the concept that I could change was the seed of freedom.
The way she applied biblical principles started me reflecting on my life from a very different angle—one of thankfulness to God for all He had given me, rather than complaint over what He hadn’t given me; one of gratitude, rather than resentment.

I also asked Jesus to tell me what He thought of me, and then I tried to look at things from His perspective. Through this I learned to communicate with Jesus more deeply than I had before, and gradually I started to change—first my mind, and then my life. Through hearing from Him, I came to understand that I had been made the way I was because that was what He wanted, that He really did love me, and that He wasn’t out to punish me for anything I’d done wrong.

I also joined a small prayer group, where we would explain our struggles and then pray for one another. Those times of prayer channeled the life-changing power of God into my life. They also put me in a position to receive a lot of encouragement and support from caring friends, which in itself went a long way toward my development of a healthier self-image.

Something else that helped me gain both confidence and compassion was getting to better know some of the people whom I once envied, because I found that their lives weren’t as perfect as I had imagined. Things really do even out.

I found that I could love more completely once my relationships with others weren’t hampered by envy. I could appreciate others’ good qualities, thank God for the wonderful way He made them, and enjoy our differences, realizing that they’re just that—differences. One wasn’t necessarily better than the other.

It took some time to break old habits—nearly two years from the time I took my first steps toward change until there was a notable difference in my attitude toward life—but it happened. My perspective changed to the point that I can now say I’m truly content and don’t envy anyone. I consider that a miracle.

Now, nearly 10 years later, I’m happy to say that my inner makeover was a lasting one. I know that some things are truly not my strong points, and I accept that. As a result, I’m not constantly getting derailed when I notice something about myself that isn’t ideal.

Life continues to get better, and I continue to get happier. I’ve learned that more good things come to a person who looks for the good in life and the beauty in people. I also know that I have the power, through Jesus, to keep making progress in areas that actually matter. It’s amazing how we can learn and grow when we aren’t hampered by paralyzing I-can’t-itis, which is born of negativity and fear of failure.

Romans 8:28 ESV / And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

John 13:34 ESV / A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.

Mark 9:42 ESV / “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea.

Beautiful You!

If all the flowers in the world were one color, or if there was only one type of tree, it would get boring after a while. Beauty is found in variety—the varying types and textures, hues and shades. I don’t understand why people try so hard to all look alike. What’s the beauty in that? I look at these models walking down the runway, and while many of them have symmetrical chiseled features‚ great skin, and what the media and fashion industry promote as “perfect” bodies, most of them look similar. They’re perfect examples of cookie-cutter beauty.

I’m all for people taking good care of themselves and their appearance. I think it glorifies our Maker to dress neatly, be clean, stay fit, and make an effort to look nice. I don’t believe in just “letting yourself go.”

What’s disturbing, though, is when people try to change the way God made them in order to meet someone else’s definition of beauty. When they do that, they’re giving someone else control over them, over how they think, over their happiness. Who decides that one thing is better than another—hair that’s dark or light, curly or straight; bodies that are lean, muscular, or rounded; noses that are large or small; lips that are thin or full? Would you give someone else control over you like that?

When you try so hard to fit a certain mold of beauty‚ whether it suits you or not or is realistic or not, you’re giving up your uniqueness. What’s the attraction of looking like everybody else? The first thing you notice about some people is their hairstyle, or their clothing, or their new nips and tucks or enhancements. You notice the “look” and whether it fits the latest trend. In some cases, the look isn’t attractive or flattering; it doesn’t match the person’s anatomy or personality.

One of the many problems associated with comparing yourself with others or trying to fit into the fashionable standard of beauty is that you’re never going to be truly happy. You might feel a sense of satisfaction that you changed something you didn’t like or kept up with the latest trend, but even if you do manage to achieve the level of beauty that you’re hoping for, even if you finally become the most popular person in your circle of acquaintances, how long do you think it’s going to last? You’ll eventually run into somebody who’s higher up on the physical-beauty ladder. What will you do then?

If it’s happiness you’re looking for‚ you’re not going to find it like that. The constant need to meet the world’s standard of beauty leads to obsession—first the physical makeover, then the molding of your personality to fit the new you, then the struggle to keep the look or to keep up with the changing looks as each trend gives way to a new one. What kind of life is that? Do you think you’ll ever fit the world’s idea of perfect beauty? Not even worldly celebrities can reach it, and they have plenty of money to change anything they want. And change they do, because the trends in what’s beautiful keep changing. Even the rich can barely keep up.

It’s human nature to want to be thought attractive, but true beauty is not only about physical appearance. It’s also about inner beauty, that spark that sets a person apart from the millions of others who are dressing the same way, getting the same haircut, and trying to achieve the same body—the interchangeable masses who desert their individuality in an attempt to keep up with the latest trend.

Save yourself a lot of time, trouble, and grief. Clear your mind of everyone else’s perception of what is beautiful. Set aside everything you’ve thought or seen or been told, and ask God to show you what specific qualities or features He gave you that make you unique. Enhance those, and you’ll bring out the best, most beautiful you.

Always be a first-rate version of yourself instead of a second-rate version of someone else.—Judy Garland

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Esther 1:11 ESV / To bring Queen Vashti before the king with her royal crown, in order to show the peoples and the princes her beauty, for she was lovely to look at.

1 John 2:15-17 ESV / Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

Matthew 5:28 ESV / But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

The Pottery Exhibition

The display cases at a pottery exhibition I visited recently were filled with items, large and small, some functional and some decorative, but all crafted with care. Practical coffee sets and elegant vases, ordinary fruit bowls and intricate ornaments, plaques and plates and figurines, mugs and jugs, jam jars and soup tureens, teapots, coffeepots, and sugar bowls—each item spoke of its creator’s passion and attention to detail. The art of fashioning clay into bricks, tiles, or porcelain objects is one of the oldest known to the human race.

Each item started off as a lump of clay, more or less. What made the difference? A pair of skillful hands, to be sure, but more than that: a purpose and a design. Will this item be a slender vase to display bouquets of flowers, or a set of dishes? Will the craftsman fashion a tiny pitcher to pour cream for coffee, or a large jar for pickling vegetables?

God is a potter. We are the clay vessels of His design. He fashioned each of us to be a unique vessel for a unique purpose. He knew exactly where to place each part, each handle, and each spout. He knew which areas needed to be solid and strong.

No matter how inadequate I feel, and how many talents and qualities I lack, God knew what I would need for the purpose He created me to fulfill, my destiny. To grumble about or belittle what He has given me is as ridiculous as the fruit bowl lamenting, “I’m missing a spout,” or the vase complaining, “I’m too tall,” or the teapot moaning, “I’m just too fat.” And what about the plate? Would he gripe, “Why am I so flat and plain?” No, each of these items is designed to fulfill its function.

I saw some beautiful examples of pottery at the exhibition, but when I got home, I didn’t regret not owning any of them. I was happy to pick up my old favorite coffee mug, which faithfully fulfills its purpose each day.

I have a feeling that’s how God sees us. He made us and equipped us for what He wants us to be and do in this life, and nothing pleases Him more than seeing us live up to that potential.

Who are you to reply against God? Will the thing formed say to him who formed it, “Why have you made me like this?”

—

1 John 4:8 ESV / Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Romans 8:37-39 ESV / No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romanos 9:20 ESV / But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, “Why have you made me like this?”

Just as You Are

Dressing my three preschool sons alike seemed sensible at the time. It made clothes shopping easier, for one, and because they were brothers with similar builds and complexions, they looked good in the same clothes. At home it gave a sense of order, however superficial, to a household with three little boys in perpetual motion, and in public it showcased what I was sure was the most adorable set of kids ever. On a deeper level, it appealed to my sense of equity. I didn’t love one above the others, and had determined to never say or do anything that might cause them to think otherwise; I would treat them impartially in all things, big and small.

But as soon as they got old enough to make more of their own choices, coordinated clothes were out. As their individual needs changed and became more diverse, I found I continually needed to adapt and change how I gave each one my love and support. I still didn’t love one more or less than the others, but I couldn’t always treat them the same.

‘Now that those boys are grown men, in many respects they could hardly be more different from one another. My early attempts to establish uniformity now seem pure folly, and I thank God for giving each of them the sense to pursue his own interests, develop his own skills, and become his own person. Each probably has some things that he would like to change about himself—there’s always room for improvement—but I love them dearly just as they are.

That’s how God loves us. We compare ourselves unfavorably with others, or we fuss over something about ourselves that we don’t like, but all the while He’s trying to tell us, “I love you the way you are. If something needs to change, I’ll let you know and will help you fix that, but otherwise just be your special self.” If we could all believe that, how happy we would be!

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Philippians 4:8-9 ESV / Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Matthew 16:26 ESV / For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?

1 John 4:19-21 ESV / We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.

2016 - Christmas Open House - PCH Penang

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2016 - Christmas Celebration

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Announcement

Christmas Open House
Date: 25 Dec 2016 Time: 7pm - 9pm
Venue: Penang Children's Home

Sharing Christmas With Others
Date: 25 Dec 2016 Time: 9:30pm
Venue: Penang Children's Home (departure location)
Details: Food distribution to the streets.

Watch Night Service
Date: 31 Dec 2016 Time: 8pm - 12am
Venue: Community Hall & Worship Hall
Details: Pot-Bless dinner, games, movie, fellowship, etc.

Covenant Sunday
Date: 1 Jan 2017 Time: 10:30am
Venue: Worship Hall

1 Corinthians 13 for Today

Jesus gave us the key to happiness and harmony when He said, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”1 What exactly does that mean, in practical, everyday terms? One of the best explanations ever given is found in the Bible’s “love chapter,” 1 Corinthians 13. Times and terms have changed, but the underlying principles are as true as ever. Here’s how the apostle Paul might have put it if he were writing to us today.

1. Though I can speak five languages and talk intelligently on dozens of subjects, if I don’t have enough love to keep from gossiping or putting down others, I’m not just making so much useless noise, I’m being downright destructive.

2. And though I read the Bible regularly and even know parts of it by heart, and though I pray daily and have a lot of faith and other spiritual gifts, if I don’t have enough love to sometimes sacrifice some of my personal desires for others’ sakes, then all of my “spirituality” amounts to nothing.

3. And though I work two jobs to provide for my family, and though I give to charity and volunteer for every community project that comes up, if I don’t show love and kindness to those I live and work with, all my hard work and self-sacrifice are worthless.

4. Love has a long, hard, frustrating day at the office, yet doesn’t get snappy and short tempered. Love is happy for the other guy when he gets all the breaks. Love doesn’t have to drive the flashiest car, live in the biggest house, or have all the latest gadgets. Love doesn’t always have to be the boss or have the last word.

5. Love isn’t rude or crude, isn’t selfish, and doesn’t gripe or pressure others to get what it wants. Love is too busy being concerned about the needs of others to spend much time worrying about its own. Love doesn’t freak out when things don’t go its way. Love is quick to believe the best about people and slow to believe the rest.

6. Love hates to hear gossip and instead wants only to talk about others’ good qualities and the good that they’ve done. Love knows that what it listens to, watches, or reads will affect its attitudes and actions and thereby have an effect on others, so it’s careful about how it spends its time.

7. Love is flexible, takes things in stride, and can handle whatever comes its way. Love is always ready to give others the benefit of the doubt and looks for the best in them. Love wants to see others reach their full potential and does all it can to make that happen. Love never runs out of patience, even with those who are slow to get with the program or do their share. Love doesn’t keep looking at its watch when others are talking.

8. Love never fails. I fail others, and others can fail me. We all can be mistaken, misguided, or confused at times. Our words and deeds often fall short, and our bright ideas don’t always play out the way we want or expect them to.

9. We’re frail, fallible, and often foolish, and our understanding of the world we live in, not to mention the world to come, is only partial at best.

10. But when God’s Spirit of love lives in us, that changes everything.

11. We’re really just children when it comes to practicing real love, but God can help us outgrow our childish ways.

12. Without Him we’re clueless when it comes to love and the other things that matter most in life, but when we live in His kingdom—the kingdom of Heaven that Jesus said is even now within us—we can see things as He does, get our priorities straight, pull out the stops, and live and love to the full.

13. There are lots of nice things in life and lots of good things, but none are as good or as important as love!

Love power – There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer, no disease that enough love will not heal. No door that enough love will not open, no gulf that enough love will not bridge. No wall that enough love will not throw down, no sin that enough love will not redeem. It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble, how hopeless the outlook, how muddled the tangle, how great the mistake. Sufficient love will dissolve it all. —Emmet Fox

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Colossians 3:14 ESV / And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

John 15:13 ESV / Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

1. John 4:7 ESV / Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.

Problem Solving with My Teen

Now that my oldest, Chris,is 13, I have found that I need to change in how I communicate with him. He is not the child he was a few years back. All of a sudden, he is taller than me. How time has flown! It seems like just yesterday he was a constantly active two-year-old, getting into everything.

Like most parents, I suppose, my tendency has been to think that I instinctively know what’s best for my children, and to take action accordingly. That worked well enough when Chris was small, but now that he’s reached a stage where he wants to make more of his own decisions, I’ve found that I need to take a different approach and involve him more in the decision-making process—to treat him less like a child and more like a teammate.

When an issue comes up, it’s more important than ever that I take time to listen to his ideas and understand both his viewpoint and his needs, as well as to explain mine. Then we try to come up with a solution together that will be good for both of us, as well as for anyone else involved.

When I fall into my old habit of trying to tell him what to do without considering his side, he feels squelched, pulls away, and misses a learning opportunity—and I lose his full cooperation. But when I remember to consult rather than give orders, things go well, he takes another step toward learning to make wise, responsible, loving decisions, and our bonds of love and mutual respect are strengthened.

High wire act

Making the transition from childhood to adulthood can be like walking a tightrope, and teens need someone there, a parent or other strong role model, to help them find their footing and steady them as they cross over.

When my children reached their teens, I tried to guide them through the decision-making process, but then I’d have them make their own decisions. They’d often try to get me or their mother to make the decision for them, so they wouldn’t have to take the blame if things went wrong, but I would tell them, “Don’t ask me. You know what’s right and wrong. What do you think you should do?” Afterwards they were usually glad that we made them decide, because they knew that was the way it was supposed to be and it helped them feel trusted and respected, which is a very important thing at that age.

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Matthew 10:16 ESV / “Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.

John 16:33 ESV / I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

1. Corinthians 10:13 ESV / No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Freedom from Jealousy

Question: I have struggled for years with jealousy. I know my husband loves me, and he gives me no real reason to feel jealous, but I can’t help myself. How can I be free from the grip of jealousy?

Answer: Jealousy—that nasty feeling that you get when you think your partner is neglecting you for someone or something else—can be both irrational and overpowering. Recognizing that jealousy is wrong, that it’s a problem, is the first step, but many people don’t see it that way; they consider it a virtue, or at least a natural, acceptable part of loving someone. Of course those people are unable to overcome it; they don’t even try to.

Jealousy is a no-win situation; it hurts everyone involved and helps no one. Once you realize that, it’s easier to take a stand against it. You wouldn’t deliberately drink poison, or jump in front of a speeding car, or do other things that are sure to have negative consequences, would you? No more should you stand idly by and let jealousy run its course. You may not be able to keep jealous thoughts from entering your mind, but you don’t have to entertain them; you don’t have to accept or dwell on them, or let them control you.

It’s also important to realize that dark spiritual forces are behind jealousy and other negative emotions such as depression, hatred, or unbridled anger, but we can free ourselves from their influence by praying against them. “Resist the devil,” the Bible tells us, “and he will flee from you.” Ask Jesus to intercede and fight for you. It would probably also help to explain your struggle to your husband, if he doesn’t already know, and ask him to pray with you. Once he understands what situations trigger your jealous thoughts, he can better try to avoid them. Also, being open about your struggle is a step towards victory for you.

Don’t be surprised if, after praying, you still have some jealous thoughts. Again, it’s not always possible to keep those thoughts from entering your mind, but you can always exercise power over them, because “He [Jesus] who is in you is greater than he [the devil] who is in the world.” So if they do come, make a conscious effort to resist them then and there.

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James 3:16 ESV / For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.

Romans 12:1-2 ESV / I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

2. Timothy 2:22 ESV / So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.

Carlos Recreated

“Can I stay with you tonight?” Carlos asked in a trembling voice. He’d had a terrible argument with his wife, he explained over the phone, and he couldn’t return home. My wife and I knew that Carlos had already been going through a very difficult time in his life. To begin with, he’d hoped to be promoted to general manager of the company he worked for, but the job had gone to someone else. A few days later he’d been involved in a traffic accident, though fortunately no one was injured. Now this! Everything seemed to be going wrong.

I invited him over, and before he arrived, my wife and I prayed for Jesus to help us encourage him, as well as for wisdom in how to advise him in this personal situation, if he should ask for that.

When he arrived, we could see that he felt truly hopeless. He’d had a second car accident the night before, it turned out, and this time the car had been totally demolished. Now his wife was really upset.

When he had gotten it all out, we asked him why he thought all these things were happening to him. At first all he could do was complain about his wife and how she was always nagging him about his drinking. “She keeps after me about it. I think she just doesn’t want me to have a good time!” he said. He clearly couldn’t understand her justifiable concerns about his drinking.

After listening for a while, we suggested that the best thing he could do was stop blaming her or anybody else for his problems. We also explained that most of his troubles seemed to stem from misplaced priorities—too much emphasis on having a good time and not enough on the deeper, more important things of life.

“God doesn’t send us troubles just to see us suffer,” I told Carlos. “But He sometimes allows us to suffer the consequences of our wrong choices because He knows that often that’s the only time we will sincerely pray, when we are in trouble. Sometimes He has to send trouble our way so we’ll change. When bad things happen, we turn to Him for help, pray and read His Word more, and try harder to follow what His Word says. By getting back on track, doing our best to love Him and do what He says, we make it possible for Him to give us His full blessing.

“He doesn’t expect us to be perfect,” I continued. “What counts is whether or not we are sincerely trying to do what’s best. When we are, He’ll do His best to take care of us and protect us and make us happy, but sometimes He has to send bad times our way to make us stop and listen to Him.”

Carlos’s drinking seemed to be the main reason his wife was so upset with him, and it was about to cost him his marriage, so I told him how the Lord had delivered me from dependence on alcohol years earlier, and that he could also be delivered.

Carlos’s situation reminded me of the story of Esau in the Bible, when Esau had been so hungry and so short-sighted that he traded his entire inheritance for a bowl of his brother Jacob’s stew. I related that story to Carlos, and explained how I thought it applied. It was like Carlos was exchanging his happy married life for a glass of whisky. “By running away from the situation,” I said, “you could be destroying your marriage. Probably the best thing you could do is return home, apologize to your wife, and tell her you love her.”

At that, Carlos burst into tears and told us that nobody had ever talked to him that way before, but he thought I was right. As we talked more, he became determined to change and to try to make up for the harm he had caused.

We read a few appropriate passages from the Bible and several devotional books, and my wife and I prayed with him for God to help him stop drinking and to bring about a real and lasting change in his life.

A few days later when my wife and I visited Carlos at his office, he was beaming! He gave us each a big hug and said, “God has changed me! I can’t thank Him and you enough for helping me get straightened out!” He went on to tell us how everything had improved in his relationship with his wife, and how happy they were now.
We’re so thankful for the change God brought in Carlos’s life. He never fails when we pray!

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”

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Revelation 3:20 ESV / Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.

1. John 4:7 ESV / Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.

2. Peter 3:12 ESV / Waiting for and hastening the coming of the day of God, because of which the heavens will be set on fire and dissolved, and the heavenly bodies will melt as they burn!

Who’s the Boss?

When people ask for advice regarding their marriage or budding love relationship, I often tell them that the most important thing is to let Jesus be the boss. No matter how much two people love each other and no matter how much they have in common, they are going to have some disagreements. When that happens, the surest way to know what’s right is to ask the highest authority. If both partners are willing to let Jesus make the decisions, they can avoid the friction and resentment that undermine many relationships.

Maybe the one you love has done things that have hurt you. Maybe you feel he or she doesn’t understand you or isn’t meeting your needs. Maybe you feel guilty about mistakes you’ve made or pain you’ve caused. Maybe a lack of communication has created a gulf that seems impossible to bridge. No matter what your difficulty or circumstances, Jesus has the answers.

He knows your heart and exactly what you need, and He can fix anything. He loves you so much that He gave His life for you, so you know your happiness is important to Him. I’ve found that He always has a plan to bring wonderful things out of each test in our lives. Sometimes we go through long, dark tunnels, but we always come out on the other side as long as we keep following Jesus.

Look to Him for guidance, and have faith that He can and wants to give you solutions to your problems and disagreements. In some form or another, those solutions will always come down to love, humility, prayer, and communication—the four most effective problem-solving tools ever.

You let Jesus be the boss by communicating with Him through prayer, first of all. Take your problems and differences to Him, and let Him speak to your heart about them, either directly or through His written Word. Then act on what He shows you. That’s where the love, humility, and better communication between you and your loved one come in, as well as more prayer for Jesus to make whatever inward changes you each need.

As you do your part, Jesus will reward your faith. He will change circumstances for you‚ improve things, encourage you, and strengthen your spirits. If things seem to be progressing slowly‚ don’t give up. Keep trusting Him to come through for you, and He will bless you with a happy, fulfilling relationship.

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Romans 6:23 ESV / For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Luke 12:33 ESV / Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys.

Mark 11:25 ESV / And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

New Worlds to Discover

Our lives involveall sorts of relationships. In fact, relating to people is largely what life is about. Relationships, when based on the right foundation and growing in the right direction, are wonderful, rewarding experiences. Each new relationship also brings with it an exciting new set of challenges and surprises. And of course no relationships are as challenging or full of surprises as romantic relationships.

Opening your life to that special someone is like opening the door to a vast new world beyond what you’ve known so far. You discover the world through another’s eyes; you feel the world through their emotions; you view the world from a different perspective. Now you have not only your own but also their feelings, opinions, and preferences to consider. You discover what makes them tick and how they think. You learn to put their needs before your own, and in the process you also realize things about yourself that you never knew before.

A key asset to a good relationship is honest, open communication. Be honest about your feelings, your needs, and what you like or don’t like. Share your desires, hopes, goals, and dreams. Communication will help you avoid misunderstandings and solve many problems while they are still small.

You have to know what to say, how to say it, when to say it, and even whether to say it. But if you build the bond between you on that kind of communication, and if you keep at it through the years, then love will thrive.

It is natural, after a while, for couples to think they know each other inside out and therefore need to communicate less. Some couples even stop communicating altogether. But the truth is that two people can’t know each other well enough to stop communicating and not have problems, because people change. Everyone has somewhat different needs and thinks somewhat differently today than they did a year ago, or a month ago, or even yesterday. So if a couple stops sharing their minds and hearts because they think they’ve got everything figured out already, they will miss these changes. When that happens, each person begins to think that the other one doesn’t understand them, and that may be true; maybe they understood them last year or last month or last week, but they won’t understand them today unless they communicate. Better communication can make the difference between a cold, drab, routine, humdrum existence and a warm, loving, fun relationship.

No matter how new or how old a relationship, there’s always something new to discover!

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John 21:25 ESV / Now there are also many other things that Jesus did. Were every one of them to be written, I suppose that the world itself could not contain the books that would be written.

Matthew 24:21-22 ESV / For then there will be great tribulation, such as has not been from the beginning of the world until now, no, and never will be. And if those days had not been cut short, no human being would be saved. But for the sake of the elect those days will be cut short.

Matthew 7:13-14 ESV / “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.

Successful Relationships

A stray dog moved into the Smiths’ neighborhood the same day the Joneses moved in next door, and the dog immediately began to wreak havoc, scrounging in trashcans and tearing up flowerbeds in both yards. The Smiths were irked that the Joneses had brought such a nuisance into the neighborhood, and the Joneses found it inexcusable that the Smiths made no attempt to control their dog. For several weeks neither couple said anything to the other, while bad feelings festered on both sides. Finally Ms. Smith could stand no more and gave Ms. Jones a piece of her mind. “Oh,” Ms. Jones replied, “we thought it was your dog!”

Often the things that sour relationships are like that dog—more a matter of misunderstandings or small irritations that get blown out of proportion than actual wrongdoing on anyone’s part. Usually all it takes to set things right is better communication, but someone has to make the first move, and that’s not always easy. Both parties, convinced that they’re right or unwilling to admit that they’re not, lock themselves into their positions. Barriers go up. Relationships go bad. Everyone suffers.

Where can we find the humility to admit we’ve been in the wrong, or the love and grace to forgive and forget when we’ve been wronged? Where can we find the wisdom to turn a no-win situation into a win-win situation, the strength to buck our stubborn nature, or the courage to make the first move? All these and more are at our disposal anytime, whatever we need, when we need it, in unlimited supply, free of charge. “Every good and every perfect gift is from above.” “Ask, and it will be given you.” Like all of the other best things in life, the most successful relationships begin with the ultimate relationship—heart to heart communion with “the living God, who gives us richly all things to enjoy.” May He bless you with His very best, always and in all ways.

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James 1:17 (ESV) Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.
Matthew 7:7 (ESV) “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
1. Timothy 6:17 (ESV) As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy.